♥

2012-02-09T15:22:00.003+08:00

Life as we don't know or see it.

2012-01-28T11:54:00.000+08:00

It just happens to all of us.

You know? Those wonderful things you think life could offer you. You plan and plan and plan and plan then boom! The bills starts rolling in, you have to feed yourself three times a day, you have transportation expenses and you need to work to survive everyday of your life. Easily put, Life happens and things... well, they change.

The priorities you previously have suddenly turns into ashes and you are left with a thought, "What if?"

With everything that have happened, I have realized that not only did the things surrounding me changed, I did to. I have to. Still, I'll be dreaming and I'll never stop because when everything is said and done, my dreams will be all I have.

ALSO...

I had a quick 2 day trip to Cebu and here are some photos. :)

Its my first time to try this. Fish Spa at SM Cebu

There were three sizes of fishes, small, medium and large. The fishes were too large I got too scared to dip my feet. Hahaha

I asked my cousin to take this just because but I will forever and ever love Davao.

Scrumptious Ribs at Casa Verde

Taoist Temple

I want to be lucky this year of the dragon so I took a picture under this "bagwa"

I asked for "health" "happiness" and "success," I hope she prayed well for me. Haha

First time at Magellan's Cross.

Inside the basilica. It was gorgeous.

eSPECIALly for you.

2012-01-08T14:18:00.001+08:00

One weird thing about me is that when I'm sad, I write. I tend to be dramatic and a wuss. I barely cry so I hold on to all the tears wanting to fall, get myself together , get a piece of paper and write. Yes, you are right, at this very moment, I AM SAD.

I'm not special. Growing up, I was forced to believe I was but in my heart I knew I was nothing but ordinary. I always try to act right. My cousins had these loving parents who always compared their kids to me. They say all the nice things, have all nice things and make sure I know it. My parents, on the other hand, was not that loving in terms of comparing me, they would always agree to my cousin's parents and I would be, well, Ordinary.

In the years that passed, I became someone I'm not proud of. In high school, I was a mediocre student and by senior year, I met alcohol and started partying in the wee hours of the morning. College was worst. I drank too much, slept too late, wasted too much money and expected too much.

By the time I graduated from college, my cousins were pregnant. I finished high school being part of the top ten, graduated college in four years being part of the first section while some of my friends still have subjects to go through. In my own right, I WAS SUCCESSFUL. I didn't bring any boys home ( not that there was any), I got good grades and never went home pregnant. I was proud of myself. To them, though, I'll always be ordinary despite the fact I don't ask for financial assistance from my sister because I have a stable job and despite the fact I pay for my parents healthcare.

I'm now 22, damaged and I always have that dream in my head ( you know, the stuff you make up that you wish would someday come true) that I could be a better individual if my own family never treated be ordinarily because I know after all that I've been through... geez, am I special.

A Bitten Apple that changed the world.

2011-10-07T21:57:00.001+08:00

Like the billions of people in the world, I am one who cannot get over Steve Jobs' passing. Working at an Apple Premium Reseller, he was the person I truly admire since I first caught sight of that bitten apple years ago.

I will forever remember the day that I got to hold my first iPod, it was Magic. Some girls dream of meeting the love of their life or having their first kiss during that time, whilst I was dreaming of getting that gadget that changed the way I listen to music. When I first saw it on TV, it was love at first sight. Up until now, every time I put my earphones on, I felt tranquility, peace... convenience, simplicity, just the way Steve wants it.

I knew of Steve's passing when I launched Safari on my Mac. That moment, that was the way he wanted it. It was all over the internet, Twitter, Facebook and etc. Yes, he's popular as Apple's CEO, but more than that, what he did that caught the world was that he changed the world. I will forever love Apple products, I will forever praise Apple, I will forever study about Apple's products. Not because its cool, its expensive or its high end but because I've learned that in Simplicity there is Beauty. Apple's products is Simple yet elegant, high end yet personal, Expensive yet worth it.

More than anything else, Apple was founded by a creative genius. He did not graduate from college nor did he brag about being in any of the top universities in the world. He was a creative genius in his own right. Kudos to the undergrads, to the crazy ones, to Steve Jobs... who changed the world.

Whatever right the world may give him, what I feel about his passing will always be personal. Every time I see that bitten Apple, I will always remember how great he was. How great I can be. Thank you for making the world easier for people to communicate, for making your products easy to learn and easy to teach, for making the iPad for my senior citizen clients easy to use, for making the iPhone easy to sync so that my clients contacts will be just on one phone even if they travel in different countries, for making the iPod so colorful and so easy to use that all our songs can just be in one tiny machine, for making the Mac so elegant that it intimidates non Apple users, for adding the iLife applications so easy to learn that my clients are left dumbfounded. I have so many things to be thankful for but it all boils down to one, Thank you for changing My life.

To end, my favorite Apple commercial. Cheers, Steve, you did place a dent in the universe. :)

I met this beautiful girl.

2011-08-30T13:37:00.003+08:00

Let's face it, I'm lame and lousy. I always thought that God would never give me struggles I couldn't face. I'm having a hard time every time I could not get something done or I would never have something. I feel restless or worst, hopeless and I stay at one corner and cry then… forget. That's what I'm good at, forgetting.

Last Saturday, while out with my friends. I met this beautiful girl. I was drunk and she was not only beautiful on the outside but the way she carried herself was astonishing. As I said, I was drunk and when I'm drunk, I sleep. I don't do bizarre things when I'm drunk. I just sleep, I'm really not that complicated. Then, when I woke up, they were still drinking. So we ended up just talking about random things and she and her friend left after. My friends slept and since I was near the church and I was already awake, I attended mass. After, we ate at Mercato and when Tin and I were left, that was when I learned her story. That beautiful girl's story. You know those people? Those who are too drunk to function, they end up story telling their life? I think she was that girl. I was not turned off after. In fact, I looked up to her more.

I will not give the details of her life but there was one thing I was sure of, people who have been through a lot of shit are the strongest people in the world. Nothing could ever break them.

Here are a few things I've learned from her.

1. "Ang pag-ibig parang taxi lang yan, pag iniwan ka ng isa, may papara't papara parin sayo."

2. "Yang boyfriend mo, pangkabuhayan showcase yan, pero isipin mo, mahal niya ba ang mga taong mahal mo?"

3. "I asked my boyfriend before to buy me a shampoo, he texted back to me to get a DOM, I didn't reply, he texted back a few minutes later that he already had money. I didn't reply. He texted mean things like, "tangina kang babae ka, pera lang ang blah blah blah" So I replied, "Haven't you heard of the girls you met at bars?"

4. "Bakit ko papakasalan ang lalakeng walang pera, lumaki ako sa hirap, hindi ko papayagang lumaki rin sa hirap ang anak ko."

5. "You know boys, sometimes you have to let them take their own medicine"

Comparing myself to her, I was nothing. People like her, people that true are the best people you will ever meet. They just don't have the experience, they also have the courage to face the demons surrounding their lives. As for me, I'll look up to her, of course but I will never be like her. In my own ways, I've learned not to be as strong as she is, but I've learned to cope with my demons. Someday, when I'm left with nothing, I will always be reminded that women are braver and bolder than men.

I will be left with just that thought and I know, I'll survive.

Random pictures from that night…

On being alone

2011-08-18T14:59:00.001+08:00

Society taught me to be sociable, to be in a a circle, to do things, to live and to love. Basically, everything I'm doing, I've learned from society. I always thought that I'm not naturally conyo. If society taught me to speak straight Bisaya, I'd be very fluent. But then, as I've said, Society taught me to be conyo. So here I am, born and raised in the land of promise with little knowledge on the native dialect.

What I am is made by Society. The social media, for example, have taught things. Not only do they give information, they also teach you how to live according to some "standards." I'm a product of everything Society established. Since from my analysis, everything I do is taught to me by society, did Society taught me to be scared?

In the old times, women get married at 18. I'm 21 years old, alone and I'm scared. I've been the butt of jokes for the past years because of my status. I've never had a boyfriend and getting older and older each day. So, who taught me to be this scared person?

I'm rambling. I don't know who to blame on why I'm like this.

What's up, Buttercup?

2011-08-15T14:11:00.000+08:00

It's been five months and since I can't think of anything to write about, I'll do a photoblog instead.

I already started working or training or whatever. Haha! During the first months, I was actually having fun. I always thought that my type of work is the only job I can think of that allows me to learn and earn at the same time. Being away from my parents also taught me a lot. I now know how to do my own laundry, cook rice, clean the house and uhm... budget my money? I'm not really sure with the last one. Ha ha ha!

I've meet a lot of great people and I've been to more places in Luzon that I've ever been in Mindanao. :)

I'm just living... on the slow lane... 'till I know my purpose.

2011-08-11T20:09:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to blog, I just miss writing too much.

Farewell 2010

2010-12-25T10:42:00.001+08:00

What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before? I graduated from college, that was a first!

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? My new year's resolution was to gain weight. Sad to say, it didn't come true, better luck in the coming year. Hahaha!

Did anyone close to you give birth? No

Did anyone close to you die? No

What countries did you visit? I stayed in the Phil. the whole year

What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? love, Haha! (every year)

What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Honestly, 2010 wasn't really a good year. Most days were better than the others, I'm just thankful I'm alive and breathing.

What was your biggest achievement of the year? I graduated from college. That was the highlight. My parents and sister said they were proud but I don't believe them.

What was your biggest failure? I expected too much from others and I was left heartbroken.

Did you suffer illness or injury? I have the worst sinus in the world, osteoporosis and skin allergies.

What was the best thing you bought? I don't remember buying anything.

Whose behavior merited celebration? Myself, of course

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The people I love

Where did most of your money go? FOOD

What did you get really, really, really excited about? I was excited about finishing everything school involved, that's for sure.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2010? Love The Way You Lie by Eminem feat. Rihanna, Waka Waka (Time for Africa) by Shakira and Teenage Dream by Katy Perry

Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? -- sadder

ii. thinner or fatter? -- thinner

iii. richer or poorer? -- poorer

What do you wish you'd done more? I wish I prayed more.

What do you wish you'd done less of? I wish I expected less from people.

How many one-night stands? I don't engage in one-night stands.

What was your favorite TV program? Glee, Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl, ANTM cycle 15 and others I can't remember. Ha ha!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nope; I don't hate, I dislike people. Hahahahahaha

What was the best book you read? None! :(

What was your greatest musical discovery? Nicki Minaj, hands down!

What did you want and get? Nothing. Hahaha

What was your favorite film of this year? SALT? I watched too many films, none of them became a favorite.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 21 and stayed with the 'rents. Ugh.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Right now, I really don't know what I want in life.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? The same, I'm not really the fashion girly girly type.

What kept you sane? God

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Gregory Van der Wiel

What political issue stirred you the most? Elections 2010

Who did you miss? My relatives abroad and Nicole Palabyab

Who was the best new person you met?
People from DKS and from the Tutorial. :)

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:

1. If its bound to happen, it will at the right place, right time, right person and for the best reason.

2. Never expect too much from someone.

3. People will hurt you, you just have to know whose worth the pain.

4. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself? I forgot how it was said but the thought was, he never really expected me nor find me, I just came. That was sweet. And, "your every guy's dream" Hahaha! Grabe ka jamming!

The most touching experience you've had this year? Touching? Maybe when a friend told me I was every guy's dream. Hahahahahahaha

What did you like most about yourself this year? I was brave enough to wake up each morning and thank the Lord for everything.

What did you hate most about yourself this year? I was a sloth.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "No, I'm not lucky, I'm blessed" - Moment 4 Life, Nicki Minaj

Was 2010 a good year for you? No, I think it was one of the worst years of my life.

What was your favorite moment of the year? When I'm with my friends laughing and talking useless stuff, I just love those.

What was your least favorite moment of the year? Arguing with the 'rents and/or my sister

Where were you when 2010 began? at home

Who were you with?

Mama, Papa and Mie

Where will you be when 2010 ends? at home

Who will you be with when 2010 ends? Mama, Papa and Mie

Do you have a new years resolution for 2011? I don't think so. Hahahahaha

What was your favorite month of 2010? January?

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2010? No

Did you miss anybody in the past year? Yes, Nicole! We missed 2010, Nic! Better luck 2011! Hahahahaha

What was your favorite record from 2010? Nicki Minaj's Pink Friday and Eminem's Recovery

How many concerts did you see in 2010? Nada!

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2010? No, I just got drunk a lot of times. I'm too weak. :|

Do a lot of drugs in 2010? I don't do drugs.

You do anything you are ashamed of this year? Yeah, I guess.

How much money did you spend in 2010? Not a lot.

What was your proudest moment of 2010? ------------ Ugh. :|

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2010? I don't remember. Hahahaha

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2010 and change something, what would it be? I don't want to change anything. Maybe subconsciously, it was everything I ever wanted.

What are your plans for 2011?

1. Get a job

2. Go to mass every Sunday

3. Visit the dentist regularly (I hate dentists!)

4. Watch a movie every week

5. Learn how to cook

6. SAVE! SAVE! SAVE!

7. See my friends more often

8. Never sweat the small stuff

9. Stop ****ing

10. Appreciate the people who loves me

11. Learn to give love

How are you different now that the year has ended? I've seen life in a different perspective. I've changed, I just wish people would see that.

What are your wishes for the new year? LOVE; I could wish for a million things but I guess it all boils down to Love. I bet if people would learn and appreciate the power of love, the world will be a better place.

What are you willing to give up to get the things you want?

2010-10-12T18:50:00.000+08:00

Early this morning, while I was at the gym, some trainers and a fellow member were talking just about that, "What are you willing to give up to get the things you want?" I can't eavesdrop because I was too busy concentrating on my counting but that question got stuck on my mind the whole day.

First, I was thinking of what I wanted. In this materialistic and vain world I could think of a million things or even a billion. I also thought about the things that according to other people are what's really important: peace, love, happiness and etc. It was hard. Thinking of what I wanted, like really wanted was harder than I thought. No wonder I'm still living with my parents and bumming because I do not know what I want.

Before having my siesta, I found my answer. I was willing to give up my pride just to get the things I want. I then realized that despite my cold aura and often unfriendly nature, all I wanted was love. Plain good `ol love, that simple.

How about you, what are you willing to give up to get what you want?

Divine Intervention

2010-10-10T08:35:00.001+08:00

Oh yeah, I'm in dire need of Divine Intervention.

I'm in this situation where you don't want to hurt someone yet you feel like there's no other way. I've never been in love. Or I've learned to adapt not to fall in love because of the drama and pain I've seen people go through. Its weird because I'm a hopeless romantic, or maybe I've just read too much novels about love I feel like puking. I hate being in this situation. This is the second time and I still don't know what to do, or the third (I don't consider the first, its nauseating!). So, I need divine intervention because I don't know what to do, or I don't know what's the right thing to do. I don't even know if there's a right or wrong thing to do. I just don't want to hurt anyone.

The world is cruel.

Its impossible not to get hurt or not to hurt anyone.

In my life, I learned to take hints and lessons here and there, from people and friends. They say, "good things come to those who wait." Abraham Lincoln said, " Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle." That makes it all the more confusing, right?

I've liked a few guys, I've learned to wait and I don't think it got me anywhere. I need a breather.

My lust for life

2010-05-12T11:13:00.000+08:00

I'm 20 years old, a fresh graduate, young and naive.

I guess I've learned a lot in my whole 16 years of studying. I thought that what I've learned in college and in what I've learned in my alma mater was enough for me to go through life without fear. I guess I'm wrong. Hear I am, in front of the computer, thinking, reminiscing and really reflecting on what I really want in life. I know the world doesn't owe me a living, it was here first, as what I've heard. Yet, I can't help but wonder, in a place where life seems to go backwards, how are you suppose to react and place yourself?

Not half of what I thought would happen to me, is what I expected. Maybe, I expected too much.

on hoarding and letting go

2010-04-04T02:59:00.002+08:00

I was cleaning my room because I couldn't sleep. I've been like this the whole week. My eyes are owl-like, I'm wide awake during night time and asleep during the day. I know its not healthy and I don't know what to do. So anyway, I was cleaning my room and I realized that while doing so, I wanted to throw away all my stuff.

Have you ever tried hoarding almost everything you see? Wanting to purchase things you thought you badly need? Owning almost every color, scent, or shirt?

I have.

I seriously want to throw away everything. Or maybe, I just want to forget. Either way, seeing these things and realizing that they really don't have any value to me now makes me frustrated. I was too selfish and I believe I still am. All my life, I wanted change. Maybe, just maybe, now is the right time. I've repeatedly told myself that change would be hard for me because I was stuck at home and I needed to study so that my parents would let me go. Now that my school life is over, well technically since I finally graduated college and got my bachelor's degree, I need to go off somewhere. Not really far, but just somewhere that would help me find myself and prioritize the things that really matter.

There's no place like here

2009-12-13T12:45:00.000+08:00

My blog is such a stress-reliever, instead of going to a psychiatrist, I write my feelings instead and blab about stuff that to the world may make no sense but to me, IT'S EVERYTHING.

Again, I'm stuck with people who does not understand my feelings. I don't know why they keep talking behind my back. Not that I give a shit, but why? I'm not going to wash my hands and say I've never done that, but seriously, why talk to someone constantly behind their back when they are not doing harm to you... especially, if you guys are friends. I understand the fact that, you guys have been together than I ever have, but what the fuck? I'm no retard and I'm smarter than you think. So, I say, Karma.

I need inspiration. I need to pray. I'm in constant battle with myself regarding my studies. I'm not motivated and I its like I don't give a shit when I know that this is the only thing that means the whole world to me. I don't get it. Something is terribly wrong and I don't know what it is. I say that I would do this, do that but I end up not doing anything. why? Again with the why.

Its Christmas and I should be happy.

I'll keep myself updated, I need a bath to freshen up and start studying, its exam week. :|

my sem rant

2009-11-28T10:36:00.000+08:00

oh fuck! That's a good way to start. :)

I'm an Entrepreneurship major and I'm so dead. I'm failing Entrep because of some fucked up circumstances and I'm stuck with people who does not care. Geeez. I seriously need to find a commercial space and everything seems to fall out of place.

I am so torn and I think hell needs to freeze for me to graduate!

I think its too early to whine

2009-09-21T08:30:00.000+08:00

I'm alone here in the middle of the city with a cup of tea and a piece of french toast. Thank God for wireless internet connection and to the person who popularized coffee shops in this small town, no longer will you feel stupid waiting for your group mates your supposed to meet an hour ago. Anyway, I only have three hours sleep, school is making me busy when I think I'm not supposed to. I haven't talked to my mom during dinner for three nights now and I don't think I've slept for more than 10 hours for the whole week last week. These instances, I think, are not normal.

The past week has been crazy. I slept late, woke up late, ate a lot, rarely ate, studied like crazy, typed in the computer like crazy and had my 20th birthday. Yes, I turned 20 and I didn't feel the slightest consolation that despite my busy-ness, I've been wiser or more happier that I'm a year older. It just freaks me out.

I don't think I received any gifts this year except for the money given to me to have dinner my with family ( which I think is stupid, I mean why do they have to pass it on to me if they're the one I'll be with for dinner? They might as well keep it and pay for the birthday dinner, right? ) Anyway, the best gift I received didn't come from any friends or family ( I don't think they find it necessary); It came from my Theology teacher. While giving out our Midterm grades he told me, "your a good writer." I just smiled as if I didn't take that seriously and walked off with a grade of 93 on my palm.

It felt good. I love writing despite the fact that I commit grammatical errors and apply incorrect punctuations. Maybe, that was all I need. Small words to lighten me up and motivate me to move on and just live. Living this life full of reports, quizzes, taxation and alcohol running through my mind just makes me nauseaus. I can't wait to finish this semester and pass all my subjects. I will pass all my subjects, I tell you, I will.

It's 8:28 AM now, I think I should start texting my group mates and remind them that we have to make our Industry study because we only have less than a week left to finish everything.

how do I keep myself interested?

2009-09-12T02:08:00.003+08:00

I went to confession today and accoring to Fr. Puentevella I need passion in my life. Yes, he said that and I don't have the slightest idea of how to turn the passion inside me burning. If I were in a relationship right now, my boyfriend would be as bored as hell sticking up with me. So for the nth time, I don't know how I got here. And what's even worse is that, I don't know how to get out of here.

In the many hardships, trials and disappoints I've had in my life I don't have the slightest idea if I really have moved on. I tend to shy away from the realities of my life and hope that someday it shall pass. Maybe, after everything that I've tried to get away from suddenly backfired to me and this is the result: A person with no motivation with no dreams and lack of interest with life. It's just sad. After having my 3-retreat, I don't know if I've really achieved the expected result God wanted from me. Truth be told, I've realized I don't have a life. And I don't know how to start and have one.

I'm still a disaster yet, I believe in God's eyes, I'm a beautiful disaster. And that's what I'm holding on right now, my faith. I don't know why I ponder on what other people say about me or try to hate on the people who put me down. Maybe I should forget everything, all these hate, all these things, all these worries and think of life. I don't know where I'll be a year from now, all I know is that I should be the best that I can be because I realized that if I knew how I would end up now, I'd do things more differently. But since, part of being human is living in the time given to you which is only right now, might as well do it right, right?

4Entrep's Retreat: September 9-11, 2009

Ho do you start it right?

2009-08-30T09:59:00.000+08:00

One of my favorite ways to get away is through writing. I don't think I'm a good a writer but I believe its the only thing I got. Today is the beginning of the rest of my life. For the past year, I've had a multiple downs which involves people, events and plain backstabbers. Upon realizing this, I believe I need another overhauling minus all the negative people and negative thoughts. From now on, I'll blog about things that interest me and make me happy. Maybe, from there, I'll be more of a person than a loser who doesn't go out of the house. To make this blog more interesting, I wanted to post pictures but I don't know how. It's like something is disabling me to do so. Anyway, Happy Sunday! :)